March 2008


My unemployment was denied, again.  So I am sending them a bunch of my papers where no where does it say anything about absenteeism being a problem for me.  Along with my appeal.

UGH.

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Firstly, let me say, that I figured that since when my husband was working, I got up with our son every time he woke up, so he would do the same for me right? WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Which really pisses me off and makes me want to punch him in the balls. I called and left a message that I couldn’t start the reporter job, I am not ready to leave C at home.

I’m going to go wake up my husband and tell him to go find a fucking job.

I was offered the job as a reporter today, I accepted, they wanted me to start tomorrow.  I said I would, and now I am regretting this.  It would have been nice to have one more day with my boy.  My unemployment is still under review, and it could be another week before they’ll have a decision.  I am tired today, C was up a bit, and T was not up with him, I was.  I went shopping with one of my bests today, she needed a dress for a wedding, kinda easy right?  Not when she’s 24 months pregnant and is convinced EVERY dress she tries on makes her look like a tent.  (She looked and looks GORGEOUS!)  We went into almost every shop in the mall.  ugh.  I am glad that is over.  My interview today at the one place went well… which is another reason for me not to take this reporting job, but, what if I don’t get that job offered to me?  And I passed this one up, and then my unemployment is denied?  I know that’s a lot of if’s.  But those are important if’s.  IF my unemployment gets approved, I’ll be fine with not having a job.  If it doesn’t, than I NEED to have something.  And now I have TWO jobs.  The reporter job and the job at VSD as a customer service rep.  I figured that the pay cut for the reporter job is the gas difference for the travel to VSD and VSD’s two fifty more an hour.  Plus, it’s TWO hour commute there and back.  That’s 10 hours in a car to commute to work a week.  What a waste of time.

I don’t know what I am going to do.  I have a horrible headache and I am really fucking tired.

Interviews for jobs that is.  I had an interview today with a local newspaper for a reporter position.  Went fairly well I think, then I get home and a job I’ve been waiting to hear about for a month and a half calls, I have an interview on Thursday there… not to mention I already have a job lined up and confirmed to start April 21st.  Only thing is that it’s an hour drive one way, so that’d be two hours to go and to come home.  Lots of gas money there.  The job for the newspaper is close, but pays a lot less, if I get offered it, I’m probably going to accept it.  Then, there’s the job that I interview for Thursday, I guess we’ll see about that.  Who knows.  After they call SCI, it might be a total no go.  Who knows what those yahoos will say.

The attorney states that she doesn’t think that we’ll have to go to arbitration for the stupid green car in our drive way.  Sounds good.  We’ll know for sure in a month, but really what’s a month when we have waited a year and a half.

The dishwasher is making a horrible grinding sound.  Thursday the maytag repair man comes, he better effin’ fix it.

I’m going to go play Wii.  Tonight I have to go pick up my practice schedule for my coaching softball (yaye!) and my equipment.  Exciting.

So T is still unemployed, two weeks today. C is 15 weeks old today, that’s 3 months and 3 weeks I believe. S is sassy. We were approved for assistance, thank God. My unemployment is still on appeal. Today I got a call from my friend who said her bosses sister is moving back here and is looking for a small house in our school district and wanted to know if we were still looking to sell, I said that if she wants it, she can have it and we’ll get an apartment somewhere. (A bigger apartment for cheaper) Plus, I think if we try to get out of town, we won’t have to pay effing city taxes any longer. What a JOKE.

I am not feeling well today and my legs hurt very bad. I guess I am very out of shape, all we did today was walk around home depot for about fifteen… I guess I need to get out more. OH. Yeah. I do.

I’ve been working on S’s scrapbook today. She’s eight and I’m about seven and a half years behind… Actually, now I’m only five years behind!! Scrapbooking is fun, I guess. It kind of takes the point out of it if you don’t enjoy it, right? I just wish I had some more neat-o scissors and such.

I applied for a staff writers job here locally. Obviously, I wouldn’t write my articles like I type here, but I figured I’d try to give it a go. Cross your fingers.

I’m off to look on ebay for a Polaroid camera.

I hate that you took me away from her. That you wasted almost five years of my life. I hate that I chose to spend time with you and that I missed out on so much of her growing up because I was too busy waiting on your to make up your mind and trying to make YOU happy. I hate that you were so selfish that you wouldn’t spend time at MY house with ME. I hate that there were times when I skipped school and spent it with you, instead of spending it with her. YOU didn’t deserve my time, she did and now I can’t go back. I can’t go back to her being little. I hate that you wasted my time, and I can’t get that time back. I am thankful that because of you I met my husband, because if I hadn’t wasted my time with you for so long, maybe I wouldn’t have met up with him. I hate that I wasted my time, because ultimately it was MY decision to cater to you, to put you above her. I was so dumb and stupid with fucked up priorities. I think of you and want to throw up. I am so thankful for what I have now and for who I am and who I married and my children. I look at pictures of her, of her being little, of when I was dating you, and I think about all the time that I burned. Boy, I fucked up…

I think I hate myself more than I hate you. Ultimately, I was the one who wasted my own time.

God, I still fucking hate you.

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