l u c k e m e .at. wordpress [dot] com

My unemployment was denied, again.  So I am sending them a bunch of my papers where no where does it say anything about absenteeism being a problem for me.  Along with my appeal.

UGH.

Firstly, let me say, that I figured that since when my husband was working, I got up with our son every time he woke up, so he would do the same for me right? WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG. Which really pisses me off and makes me want to punch him in the balls. I called and left a message that I couldn’t start the reporter job, I am not ready to leave C at home.

I’m going to go wake up my husband and tell him to go find a fucking job.

I was offered the job as a reporter today, I accepted, they wanted me to start tomorrow.  I said I would, and now I am regretting this.  It would have been nice to have one more day with my boy.  My unemployment is still under review, and it could be another week before they’ll have a decision.  I am tired today, C was up a bit, and T was not up with him, I was.  I went shopping with one of my bests today, she needed a dress for a wedding, kinda easy right?  Not when she’s 24 months pregnant and is convinced EVERY dress she tries on makes her look like a tent.  (She looked and looks GORGEOUS!)  We went into almost every shop in the mall.  ugh.  I am glad that is over.  My interview today at the one place went well… which is another reason for me not to take this reporting job, but, what if I don’t get that job offered to me?  And I passed this one up, and then my unemployment is denied?  I know that’s a lot of if’s.  But those are important if’s.  IF my unemployment gets approved, I’ll be fine with not having a job.  If it doesn’t, than I NEED to have something.  And now I have TWO jobs.  The reporter job and the job at VSD as a customer service rep.  I figured that the pay cut for the reporter job is the gas difference for the travel to VSD and VSD’s two fifty more an hour.  Plus, it’s TWO hour commute there and back.  That’s 10 hours in a car to commute to work a week.  What a waste of time.

I don’t know what I am going to do.  I have a horrible headache and I am really fucking tired.

Interviews for jobs that is.  I had an interview today with a local newspaper for a reporter position.  Went fairly well I think, then I get home and a job I’ve been waiting to hear about for a month and a half calls, I have an interview on Thursday there… not to mention I already have a job lined up and confirmed to start April 21st.  Only thing is that it’s an hour drive one way, so that’d be two hours to go and to come home.  Lots of gas money there.  The job for the newspaper is close, but pays a lot less, if I get offered it, I’m probably going to accept it.  Then, there’s the job that I interview for Thursday, I guess we’ll see about that.  Who knows.  After they call SCI, it might be a total no go.  Who knows what those yahoos will say.

The attorney states that she doesn’t think that we’ll have to go to arbitration for the stupid green car in our drive way.  Sounds good.  We’ll know for sure in a month, but really what’s a month when we have waited a year and a half.

The dishwasher is making a horrible grinding sound.  Thursday the maytag repair man comes, he better effin’ fix it.

I’m going to go play Wii.  Tonight I have to go pick up my practice schedule for my coaching softball (yaye!) and my equipment.  Exciting.

So T is still unemployed, two weeks today. C is 15 weeks old today, that’s 3 months and 3 weeks I believe. S is sassy. We were approved for assistance, thank God. My unemployment is still on appeal. Today I got a call from my friend who said her bosses sister is moving back here and is looking for a small house in our school district and wanted to know if we were still looking to sell, I said that if she wants it, she can have it and we’ll get an apartment somewhere. (A bigger apartment for cheaper) Plus, I think if we try to get out of town, we won’t have to pay effing city taxes any longer. What a JOKE.

I am not feeling well today and my legs hurt very bad. I guess I am very out of shape, all we did today was walk around home depot for about fifteen… I guess I need to get out more. OH. Yeah. I do.

I’ve been working on S’s scrapbook today. She’s eight and I’m about seven and a half years behind… Actually, now I’m only five years behind!! Scrapbooking is fun, I guess. It kind of takes the point out of it if you don’t enjoy it, right? I just wish I had some more neat-o scissors and such.

I applied for a staff writers job here locally. Obviously, I wouldn’t write my articles like I type here, but I figured I’d try to give it a go. Cross your fingers.

I’m off to look on ebay for a Polaroid camera.

I hate that you took me away from her. That you wasted almost five years of my life. I hate that I chose to spend time with you and that I missed out on so much of her growing up because I was too busy waiting on your to make up your mind and trying to make YOU happy. I hate that you were so selfish that you wouldn’t spend time at MY house with ME. I hate that there were times when I skipped school and spent it with you, instead of spending it with her. YOU didn’t deserve my time, she did and now I can’t go back. I can’t go back to her being little. I hate that you wasted my time, and I can’t get that time back. I am thankful that because of you I met my husband, because if I hadn’t wasted my time with you for so long, maybe I wouldn’t have met up with him. I hate that I wasted my time, because ultimately it was MY decision to cater to you, to put you above her. I was so dumb and stupid with fucked up priorities. I think of you and want to throw up. I am so thankful for what I have now and for who I am and who I married and my children. I look at pictures of her, of her being little, of when I was dating you, and I think about all the time that I burned. Boy, I fucked up…

I think I hate myself more than I hate you. Ultimately, I was the one who wasted my own time.

God, I still fucking hate you.

Ohio Quit Now is giving out 2 weeks of free nicotine patches… I called to try to get Travis signed up. They said they’d call back. You can get help too, by calling 1800quitnow.

to bed i go.

S made chocolate chip cookies tonight, the kind that come in a package and you add a stick of butter (that can’t be good) and an egg and viola! Cookies. I hate cheating, as I love to bake NON packaged goods, but it’s nice when she feels so proud of her 8 year old self. I caught her in a lie today, a lie she told a week ago. It might take Mommy dearest a few minutes, but eventually I put 2 and 2 together and come up with 4, which isn’t what Miss S told Mommy last week… So I made her stand in the corner. Yes. I made my eight year old daughter, who I sometimes expect to act like she’s 24, stand in the corner of our dining room for almost twenty minutes!!! I’m telling you, taking the Wii and tv and radio doesn’t work!!! I made her write sentences last week, it might have worked, I don’t know, but I am trying new and creative ways to discipline. We then had a talk about how it is important to be trustworthy because there will be a time in the future when she wants me to believe something and I won’t. So she’s got the memo and hopefully everything will be fine. To be honest, it’s my fault that she lied. She figured a little lie would get her out of getting in trouble for spilling my grandmother’s coffee on my floor by saying grandma TOLD her to pick up C from his crib, which wasn’t the case at all… Miss S decided she would get him out by herself (all 50 pounds of her) and he weighs almost HALF of what she does already so that’s not good… and when it appeared that C was falling out of her arms, my grandma put the coffee down in an attempt to “save” him, and then S’s foot caught the coffee and there it went. I had JUST shampooed my carpets probably four days before this… but isn’t that the way it goes.

I generally like spending time with my husband, but now that he’s laid off, I really just wish he would go somewhere. I was paying the bills tonight, and one of the perks to him being laid off was that he wouldn’t be spending money every day on crap… but as I checked our bank balance, this is not the case at all. Which really, really pissed me off. So the attorney won’t be getting any money until we have some money coming in. Hopefully we’ll start getting some of his unemployment in the bank account. I think that it’s bullcrap that they have a waiting week for unemployment… like you REALLY don’t need that week of money, you can survive taking that week off… what a load of bullocks.

On a better note, I got to take a nap today. C was sleeping and S was at school and the husband was playing his Xbox 360, but I needed it and I really should head to bed now.

I miss our psycho kitty Kitters. She was crazy, and would attack everyone for no reason other than she was crazy, but we had to get rid of her because of Baby C. Plus if she attacked S one more time, I was afraid I was going to seriously hurt or injure her.

I suppose I shall shampoo or attempt to shampoo that coffee stain out tomorrow. We’re going to have Easter dinner here at our house next Sunday (Easter is SOOO close!). I wish my brother and sister(in law) could be here.

Tonight I read a book… chick lit. One of my favorite things to do none-the-less. Unfortunately, I am the type of person who cannot or does not want, to put down a book once I have started. I want to consume the whole thing in one sitting, I HATE putting a book down and having to come back to it later. I’d rather start and finish one book quickly than to read several books at once slowly or slower than I would like.

On an exciting note, I checked into going back to school today, for Education. I cannot stand the thought of working in the social services field any longer. CANNOT. People are just too effed up and it’s only going to get worse and worse. I have to call the community college and have them send over my “official” transcripts, but I am hoping I can get that done and then perhaps do some online classes to get some of the cores I might not already have done. Most of my stuff should transfer, but I suppose we shall see. Exciting.

I don’t know if my unemployment will be approved or not. Here’s hoping it is. I love being at home with C and S.

The husband cleaned the kitchen tonight. This makes for a happy wife. Of course.

Baby is awake, time for feedings.